@MariyaAlexander: How to make her squirt: make sure she is a lime
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@Jandalize: Got excited because I found $20 in the laundry. Then I remembered my kids don't have jobs and the money was probably mine.
@goodballs: If your bf/gf is mad at you put a cape on them and say, "Now you're super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
@Dadness_au: Just had a 10 minute argument about the importance wearing pants in public with a 5yo She won, today I wear pants when I take her to school
@_NinJar: *wakes up in hospital* What happened? "It was a heart attack" Will I be ok? *a big heart outside slowly taps on window with a bat* "No"