@MariyaAlexander: How to make her squirt: make sure she is a lime
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@Iwriteforcats: Me: How much should I spend on an engagement ring? Jeweler: 3 months salary on the stone. Me: *Duct tapes pile of Fruity Pebbles together.
@ch000ch: hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. the captain can't talk cause we both said "hope we don't die haha" at the same time and i jinxed him
@prodigalsam: "I wish I had more time to read" he said as Netflix automatically played the next episode.
@MrSandeepP: I dont't want to die a virgin because that means I'll have to have sex with terrorists.