@MariyaAlexander: How to make her squirt: make sure she is a lime
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@YINGY_FLEMMMING: When they announce "all youths stay behind after church. Your Help is needed around the church premises" Me:
@BoogTweets: Me: Take this My Uber passenger: *holds gun in blood soaked car* WTF JUS HAPPENED? Me: You tell me "Mr Finger prints on a murder weapon"
@iluvyogacats: Me: *enters exam room Doctor: Please take off your... M: *unbuttons pants D: ?? M: *pauses* D: GLASSES! D: I'M AN EYE DR DAMNIT!