@GinjaNinjaSarah: How to make infinite energy.
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@KyleMcDowell86: "Congrats Lobster Boy, u got the job" [Lobster Boy goes in for the handshake but cuts his employer's hand clean off]
@howe007: I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "hey, that one over there is shaped like an alcoholic".
@ThatBrenna: People are like snowflakes. When they pile up on my car windshield, it's difficult to drive.
@Cheeseboy22: When people ask, "Don't I know you from somewhere?", I reply "Yes, we were best friends as children until you murdered my puppy."