@jwoodham: HOW TO ROB A BANK: (1) Walk in and start talking about your study abroad experience. (2) Everyone's asleep now. Grab the money.
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@TheWadest: *requests Uber* *climbs in backseat* Uber driver: "Where to?" Me: "oh, nowhere. I just don't like to change my diaper in the street."
@dril: THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset. ME: I agree
@robwhisman: reminder: the best way to say benedict cumberbatch is to the tune of photograph by nickelback