@askceil: How to Talk To A Woman Who Is Hiding Behind That Plant. Now She's In The Alley. Wow, She's A Fast Runner. How To Talk To The Police.
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@MUMSIEesq: 3YO: "How do babies get out of bellies?" ME: "Look! Ice cream!" *5 min later* 3YO [COVERED IN ICE CREAM]: "How do babies get out of be---"
@simoncholland: Dad, the Easter Bunny should know that I don't like Rolos but he puts them in my basket every year. Me: (eating a Rolo) Yeah, that's weird.