@JasonLastname: How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
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@DurtMcHurtt: My grandma was so poor she only left me recipes for pasta dishes in her will, you could say she was my.. *golf swings* Pennefactor.
@abbycohenwl: Teacher: Ants can lift things that are heavier than they are Kid: How can a thing be heavier than it is? T: No-[sees it's almost 3 pm] Magic
@curlycomedy: When people write, "your dumb," maybe it's not a typo--they just mean stupidity belongs to you. "Here's your dumb now leave."
@Book_Krazy: Pro-tip Ladies, try to refrain from plucking that one crazy hair from his nose while he's sleeping. He won't think it's as funny as you do.