@JasonLastname: How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
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@CauseWereGuys: Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri "What do women want?" She has been talking nonstop for the last two days.
@Marlebean: Its crucial to teach your kids life lessons at home each day Today's lesson is: If you like your life DO NOT WAKE MOMMY UP AT 6AM EVER AGAIN
@shkeeber: Mom: Where're you going? Me: To dinner with my friends! Mom: Your friends? Me: I'm going to use McDonalds' free Wifi to get on twitter...
@ShutUpThatsWho: If you play the movie Jaws backwards it's basically a story about a shark with bulimia.