@jwoodham: "How would you describe yourself in 3 words or less?" Doesn't follow instructions very well.
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@DanMentos: [showing my 4yo a Slinky] me: look, it’s walking down the stairs kid: what else can it do me: literally nothing
@abhorrent_wife: I won't believe Johnny Depp is engaged until I've seen he's put a ring, 90 bracelets, 7 scarves, a fedora and an ugly pair of glasses on it.
@noog: If you listen to a Miley Cyrus song backwards you can hear Satan refusing to have sex with her.