@Kyle_Lippert: "How'd you die?" "I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You?" "I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen" "Oh.."
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@Bluestmoon_: There are pants in the bathroom trash can at work, so someone is having a worse day than you.
@The_MartiniGirl: The sampler tester at the liquor store told me to stop coming back every hour in a disguise.
@iwearaonesie: me: Do you think Muhammad Ali tried different animals? Like, "Float like a duck, sting like a jellyfish"? wife: Go to sleep