@TheCareBare: How'm I going to 80's montage myself out of this one?
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@WritePlay: "Why don't you cool it on the dressmaking," I suggested to my wife. "You seamstressed."
@Macar00ny: Give a man a subtweet and he'll be like "is this about me?" Teach a man to subtweet you'll be like "is that about me?"
@MichaelGoffLA: What if you told a lie to cover up your affair, and the lie was so good that 2000 years later people were still giving each other presents?