@ashleycrem: HR called me in today and told me I have a bad attitude. So they're transferring me over to IT and giving me a raise.
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@crabgirl_: *Getting a tattoo* Me(to tattoo artist)-Do you ever make the bzzz-sounds with your mouth when you're using a regular pen on your spare time?
@david_tull: Wow, according to the New York Times, just kidding, I have no idea what's going on.
@BarebakAssassin: After you're done looking for true love on Twitter, you should go ride a unicorn around Atlantis, then eat some heart-healthy ice cream.