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@BlindChow: [girl chatting up guy at bar] girl: so what do you do? magician: i halve a girlfriend
@therealeatwood: ME: Haha you can tell them any name and they have to say it BARISTA: I have a latte for “A Person Who Deserves Love”? ME [crying]: Hahaha
@causticbob: Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work. The dog probably just thinks, "Awesome, now we're both barking."