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@meganamram: "It's not you, it's me." - Humidity, to Heat
@SteveSuckington: First date:
[ok, don't let her know you're a cop]
Her: do you come here often?
Me: *shoots unarmed black teen*
@sbellelauren: "EVERYONE IS ENGAGED BUT YOU" - facebook
@Fred_Delicious: "sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?"
*turns to camera*
*cop starts breakdancing*
@mydanimarie: DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you're too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they've probably had diarrhea at some point