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@genepompa: Can't believe my dog just ran into Petco and left me in the car with the windows rolled up
@AnOrangeSNES: When life gives you lemons, worship the elder Gods. Take candy from a baby. Drink from a trough of blood. Who cares? None of this matters
@KateWhineHall: Until I had kids I didn't realize that "bouncing off the walls" was actually a literal statement.
@daemonic3: WIFE: Don't embarrass me in front of my boss, he's colorblind ME: Duh [later at party] ME: [to boss] So when did you learn Colorbraille?