@CheryeDavis: I always wink at the local Funeral Director, because he will be the last one to see me naked, and I don't want it to be awkward.

@Uniquicorn: *Joe Biden nibbles Obama's ear* - Please stop it *Joe whispers* Say it - No go away *angrily whispers* Say it! - ...please stop Biden my ear

@matt_travelling: Two things Twitter cultivates and encourages: 1. instant gratification 2. sense of impatient entitlement 3. misunderstanding of basic math

@OhNoSheTwitnt: I'd run way more miles a day if someone holding a bagel was running in front of me and someone holding a spider was chasing after me.

@iGreenMonk: "It's the small things that make me happy" -enthusiastic microbiologist