@SoulYodeler: Hello lamppost, whatcha knowin'? I come to watc-- Lamppost: Nice scarf princess.

@ndiquote: [foreplay] her: [seductively] whisper something sexy in my ear me: [leans in] pizza

@thatUPSdude: Me: Want some of my nachos? Coworker: I don't like nachos. Me: Hello 911, what's consider premeditated murder?

@Fred_Delicious: [everyone in the STI clinic glaring at my Pokemon shirt] "No no it means like, I want to catch all the Pokemon"

@Elifcello: "Don't worry, I'll hold your stuff. You just worry about making friends." - Cargo Pants