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@AIMMadellynne: The bouncer was kicking me out & I put up my finger for him 2 wait,while I chugged the rest of my drink.All he could say was: Are U serious?
@roadkill3x: Don't waste your time going to the library looking for books on suicide..... no one ever brings them back.
@SeptapusDenny: CNN writer: how's this - my phone is missing. CNN exec: meh Writer: It was on AIRPLANE mode! *CNN exec absolutely loses it*
@FinallyHeSleeps: The only thing sexier than a girl wearing glasses is a girl wearing only glasses.