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@bea_ker: GHOST: I'm here to warn you to change your ways before it's too late POLTERGEIST: I'ma open your cupboards
@ericsshadow: [answers phone during job interview] What's the address here? The Pizza Hut guy can't find me.
@matt_simpson84: Relationship status: went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
@SoulYodeler: Had I known you were coming I would have baked a cake. Instead you get to watch me decapitate an iguana. You should call ahead.