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@juliussharpe: SiriusXM is broadcasting NASCAR because there's nothing more exciting than listening to people drive.
@omerwahaj: What's the name of that movie with that actor in which the guy does that thing with that other thing in that place during that time?
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: Daddy, I love you *hugs me* Me: I love y- Did you wipe your mouth on my shirt? Most of fatherhood is just being a good napkin.
@michaelianblack: "The ankle so important to a basketball player." Something the announcer just said.