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@ComedicBust: I always walk into Target with a pissed off look on my face. These people don't need to know I'm here to buy waterfall scented candles.
@Reverend_Scott: Police: We'd like u to come with us to answer some questions about ur husband's disappearance. Mrs. Potato Head eating french fries: why?
@PaperWash: [grocery store] dad to his crying baby: shhh stop crying [baby keeps crying] me: wow, your baby does not listen