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@myonlymizztake: Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
@shopkins776: I'm scared some kid is going to break into my house and fleek me to death with a bae
@fro_vo: Me: trump keeps obfuscating the truth Wife: i see you learned a new word Me: i obfuscately did Wife: Me: what are we obfuscating for dinner
@davedittell: MY HOT WIFE: want to go down on me? [three minutes later] *riding my wife down the water slide* YEAHHHH