@Darlainky: *asks family what they want from the grocery, no one says a word* {in checkout lane} *receives 4 separate food request texts from family*

@CauseWereGuys: Every woman is wrong until she starts crying... Then she's right.

@MsSugar_Kisses: If she's freaking out, kiss her forehead, hug her & call her beautiful.. If she growls, throw chocolate at her from a safe place

@j0eg0d: I got in touch with my inner child and the little shit hung up on me.

@marinhubka: Shoe repair guy: so what happened? [cut to me trying to flush myself into the Ministry of Magic from my toilet] Me: I stepped in a..puddle