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@HlaoRoo: NRA member: I've got guns. I'm in charge. Me: That's nice. I've got bubonic plague - "cough, cough" - now you do, too. I win.
@YupKirsten: Me: I hate long sad goodbyes. Cashier: I just want to give you your change. Me: *puts finger on lips* shhhh. Don't make this harder *leaves*
@WilliamAder: "Damn you, Autocorrect!!!!" - Mark Zuckerberg, who had intended to announce that he was giving away 99% of his socks