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@CelebrityChez: Just realized after two years that my boss is actually a grapefruit covered in ramen noodles with peanut eyes. Still very afraid of him.
@jake_likes_naps: [spills whole tub of salsa on cat] Oh dang [grabs chip] Hold still [cat starts running away] I SAID HOLD STILL
@TheSanch14: Boss: why do you deserve this promotion? Me: goes into very in depth pointless rant B: what drugs are you on? Me: good ones *leaves*