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@Parentpains: If you didn't want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
@Breadery: I taught my daughter to whistle a few days ago and now I'm teaching her that whistling can lead to adoption.
@upsidedowntrash: You: *sneezes* Me: [hears phrases incorrectly but appropriates them anyway] kazoo night.
@Ojasism: Four stages of my life: 1. Life is beautiful. 2. What is twitter? 3. Twitter is beautiful. 4. What is life?