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@Ygrene: [being murdered] Me: did you get that knife out of the dishwasher Murderer: …yes Me: and you didnt empty it Murderer: [murder roles reverse]
@UnFitz: Bought a shirt in the UK. Care instructions say "iron whilst damp." I still have no idea when to iron that thing.
@bobvulfov: [GOP debate] JOHN KASICH: my dad was a mailman so i understand our nation's struggles MODERATOR: what how JK: i went through everyone's mail