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@Rollinintheseat: *Geography Bee* Judge: "Tell me about Yemen." Me: "Chandler said he was moving there when he couldn't breakup with Janice on Friends."
@GringoBrulee: My first kid will be named Gotham. That way when I have to get up in the middle of the night when they're crying I can say "Gotham needs me"
@joeljeffrey: Me: Siri set an alarm for 6am tomorrow morning. I want to go to the gym before work. Siri: Lol
@moooooog35: [1st day in Senate] Me: I'm against genetic engineering Scientist: We've developed kids w/ volume knobs Me: How much funding do you need