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@HpHubert: Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
@Angibangie: Ghost haunting my house: Okay, I'm just going to clean up your TINY, SHITTY, Apartment while you're gone because I can't not-live like this!
@vincevangone: Infomercial: "Have you been trying to stay fit, but simply can't get any results?" Me: *mouthful of fries* YASS!!!
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: So, where are the Hobbits? GUIDE: Again, that's Middle Earth. This is Central America. ME: Ooh, right. *Whispers in fear* Orc territory.