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@Sanbel11: My friend asked me today if I started Christmas shopping. I'm crying. While digging a hole to bury her.
@MaraWritesStuff: "You kids and your smartphones, when we were your age we just dealt with having nothing to do with our hands." *Lights another cigarette*
@briancthayer: *discretely picks a booger* *slyly wipes it on her blouse* Funeral Director: Sir, we can see you and narrating it just makes it worse.
@TaylorComedy: It's so annoying when you're trying to poison someone but they're just not thirsty :(