@ericsshadow: What kind of deranged lunatic gets home from a long night at the bar and eats a piece of fruit?

@Julie_McGann1: I'm off to a 3yr olds party. There'll be tears, tantrums and throwing up on the carpet. But enough about me, Im sure the kids will have fun.

@brookeisgolden: Based on my experience with trying to find the restroom at Kohl's, I would die first in the Hunger Games.

@RevReee: I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.

@murrman5: "911" you gotta help, my wife is in labour in the backseat "how far apart are the contractions?" about 2 miles but I'm driving pretty fast