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@novicefather: [glances toward living room stenographer] "Please read back what my wife said 45 seconds ago." stenographer: I promise not to get mad
@LaytesAgain: For women, the worst part of a breakup is probably that incessant little voice whispering "Do something stupid to your hair."
@iQuoteComedy: Research shows that in 100% of cases, when someone says "Oh no she didn't!", she in fact, did.