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@davidkenny100: A prankster draws glasses on all the photos In Lois Lanes family photo album...
Lois Lane: "this is not my family photo album!"
@TheRealDratch: Trying to get lunch w 4 yo in restaurant: "If you can't behave we're going to have to leave here."
"But I want to leave here."
@fillthevacuum: *adds resume embellisher to resume*
@PaperWash: New Year's Eve is just a myth created by the government to sell you more years
@shariv67: If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it's working.