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@Serious_Law_Guy: Me: Your honor, he's not asking the witness any questions. He's just reading Harry Potter to the jury. Judge: Yeah, I'm gonna allow it.
@NikiWithIssues: You can't give me a mini fan at work and expect me not to spend the whole morning pretending I'm a model doing a photo shoot. It's science.
@david8hughes: [first day as furniture salesman] Guy [inspecting bed]: nice, solid frame. Who makes it? Me: you or your wife. Whoever gets up last really
@DONTJIMMYMEJULZ: My Masseuse just read 'Cinderella' to me ~ That's the last time I ask for a happy ending.