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@CooperLawrence: Netflix documentaries convinced me I should be vegan. So I did what any American would do. I bought some bacon and canceled Netflix.
@StellaRtwot: Turns out those miniature liquor bottles aren't for babies and now my brother says I can't be the God Mother.
@d_duhwit: Car salesman: and it has a back up camera Me: Cool, where's the main camera? Cs: Sorry no this is for backing up Me: Ah, to the cloud Cs: no
@RegularFred: [Rorschach test] Patient: Leprechauns in cheetah print unitards kickflipping over flaming tree stumps Dr: I think we can skip the others