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@robdelaney: Michael Jackson would be 54 today if he hadn't hired such a gifted nap specialist.
@HysteriaBarbie: Relationship status: DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, YOU CALLED A STORMTROOPER A ROBOT
@Playing_Dad: [Job Interview]
Boss: It says you are a great problem solver
B: Can you give me an example?
Me: I'm hired
B: *whispers* holy shit
@Anyalachae7: Just bought a medical alert bracelet that says "probably just shitfaced."
@TheSharona06: My mother is displeased with me.
In other shocking news, water is wet and the sun is bright.