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@FattMernandez: You guys ever smear fake blood on your mouth, put on a ripped shirt, go in somewhere and pretend you got mugged? PEOPLE ARE SO NICE!
@SteveInevitable: While texting a girl she told me "I'm board" so I stopped seeing her. I wasn't offended. I just don't date wood. Or people who can't spell.
@WhatevaConc: [At the register] "Find everything ok?" "No I figured I'd get in line, pay for just a few things, then start the process all over again."