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@mrtruthandsoul: *breaks out of prison *hunted by police for weeks *crawls thru 22 miles of mud to your house* Me: <taps on your window> DID YOU GET MY TEXT?
@SteveSuckington: A letter to Paul from the Corinthians: Hey sup Paul. This is the Corinthians. This is my new number
@mstluvstrinkets: What's the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
@annadrezen: My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I'm great at pole dancing.