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@HeSlimedMeRay: My son just complained about how far the guy in his video game has to walk. We take our lazy seriously around here.
@Mr_Kapowski: I didn't want the cop to see that my car's registration tags weren't current but apparently swerving erratically got his attention too
@IrishVin: Her: Can I see your phone? Me: Cu-caw! Cu-caw! Cu-caw! **Flaps imaginary wings and flys into another room**
@GrowlyGrego: Wait...the "S" in ASAP doesn't stand for "Slowly?" Shit. This has cost me 27, maybe 28 jobs.