YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@shutupmikeginn: My funeral instructions to my family were to have me cremated, and I told my best friends under no circumstances should I be cremated.
@ericsshadow: 1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have 'lady problems' then start crying. It works even better for guys.
@Reverend_Scott: [picks up hitchhiker] "Hope ur not a mass murderer. Haha" Actually I am. "WHAT" APRIL FOOLS! "Whew" I'm technically a serial killer.
@Brianhopecomedy: *presses wheelchair accessible button* *rolls 5 year old in on dolly restrained like Hannibal Lector* "We're here for a haircut."