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@DaddyJew: Dentist: have you been flossing? [ flashback to me picking steak out of my teeth with a potato chip earlier ] Me: yes
@mountain_ghosts: 1995: the information superhighway will mean anyone can do anything from anywhere 2015: must be willing to relocate to San Francisco
@dafloydsta: WIFE: He won't stop pretending he's Larry King. THERAPIST: Is that true? ME: *turns to camera* We'll hear more of Karen's lies. Up next.
@SamuelHLowe: I bought some super sensitive condoms a few months ago and they won't stop crying because I don't use them.