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@Merman_Melville: Me: I need a raise Secretly-an-Alien Manager: Yes, it is good to, want to exchange labor for the right amount of delicious green rectangles
@ThisOneSayz: *at Starbucks* 7yo: can I order for you? Me: sure! 7yo: my mom wants the drink with the salt on the rim. She has it allll the time!
@timdonakowski: I sleep with a squirt gun under my pillow just in case a gang of cats break in while I'm sleeping.
@QwertyJones3: I joined a poker tournament with a bunch of people who do origami. I'm gonna dominate, cause these guys always fold.