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@brittwastaken: I see you from across the room and falter. My breath catches as my pupils dilate with desire. You, a muffin, remain motionless.
@SaraESpivey: I may eat animals, but at least I wait until they're DEAD. Plants are ALIVE, vegans. You disgust me.
@OctopusCavemann: [2 men standing in an empty basement together] Man 1: “Alright, maybe we should tell a few people about Fight Club.”
@lisaxy424: Just noticed there's no comma in "Bed Bath & Beyond" and honestly, a bed bath would solve a lot of my problems.