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@Tommytoughstuff: [High school reunion] Hey guys! Remember me!? "No" How about now? *puts an entire toilet on my head* (in unison) CHRIS!
@Brianhopecomedy: My Mom asked me to help her sign up to Twitter so I did and she's really enjoying Google Plus.
@Home_Halfway: WIFE: We really need to think about sticking to our monthly budget ME: *feeding my pet octopus a bag of emeralds* I agree