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@TheTweetOfGod: People keep asking Me why I created mosquitoes. To bite you repeatedly and give you malaria, that's why.
@AndyAsAdjective: I lied. There was no crime. I just wanted to see how long it would take the police sketch artist to realize I was describing Patrick Swayze.
@KizerBillhelm: HR says I'm not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(
@VN_Ruben: apparently, Twilight is "so popular" because teenagers can relate to it. Oh yeah, I remember that time when I was a vampire.