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@ch000ch: me: wtf how am i getting life in prison for running over an eagle with my car my lawyer: again, that was the Philadelphia Eagles mascot
@poizngrl: If you are looking for a bad girl, I have been known to shop at the art supply store on days they aren't having a sale...
@Sean_Burgundy_: Imagine how much faster Olympic sprinters could run if they saw their wives going through their phones at the finish line
@markydoodoo: THERAPIST: what brings you in today? ME: sharks lack the ability to hug. THERAPIST: *starts to cry*