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@EndhooS: [Commercial for axes] [A lumberjack swinging a dead goat against a tree in the woods] *Turns to camera* "There has to be a better way?"
@AaronCSU54: My therapist thinks meeting women on twitter for sex is a bad idea. His wife disagrees.
@ClassOf20l6: why do parents get mad when u sleep all day like im staying out of trouble and im not spending your money like what is the issue here
@carlyken: So far my toddler's most impressive defense mechanism is pooping his pants every time anyone rings our doorbell.