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@VaguelyFunnyDan: My wife is enjoying the attention I've been giving her lately & though painting a phone on her face is inconvenient, it's saved our marriage
@CMFC99: So me and my demons are gonna have a few bloody mary's and see where the day takes us. Would you and your demons like to tag along?
@sammyrhodes: I love donuts so much I want to marry them. But then I'm afraid I would eat all our donut hole children.
@upsidedowntrash: WIFE: Hey why are all our potatoes dressed in tiny outfits and arranged in a little scene? ME: [hiding Photato Album] Why? Do you like it?