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@stephenjmolloy: [Date] Karen: "You okay?" Ian: "I'm undressing you in my mind" K: "Okay... you look confused!" I: "I've never seen a bra strap like this"
@Crunch11b: Every time someone says, "at least it's a dry heat," I want to stab them with a box cutter. *at least it's a short knife.
@ShittyComedian: When you said coke I assumed you meant cocaine. No thank you. Soda is bad for you.
@NinjaFuneral: I hope this guy at the urinal next to me can see that I'm checking Twitter and not taking pictures.