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@The_Whip_Hand: PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: how do you explain the long gap in your resumé? Me: I fell asleep with my face on the spacebar
@scottdedalus: Just thinking up snappy comebacks to painful conversations I had 22 years ago. What are YOU doing?
@galvinchow: PASSWORD EVER, USERNAME GREATEST *username/password must each contain at least one numeric character* PASSWORD 9EVER, USERNAME GREATEST6