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@thepunningman: [hospital] "I'm afraid it's bad news. Your husband will never walk again" "Oh God, he's paralysed?" "No, someone's bought him rollerblades"
@meladoodle: Crazy how women have the stereotype of being chatty when 90% of dudes have 45 minute podcasts that no one listens to...
@matt___nelson: *walks up to dealer* I would like 3 weeds please "Are you a cop?" No I love crime and tomfoolery "..." Could I also get a bushel of cocaine?