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@GrantTanaka: black friday is crazy, I just maced a kid then some old woman shot me with a crossbow
@peterjames48: We got a notice at work that a coyote had been spotted on the fitness trail, and I was, like, "Good for him."
@jonnysun: [trying to do standup] u kno whats funy– [someone yells 'society!'] nno– [entire audience starts laughig] wait [audience laughs louder] stop