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@ClichedOut: ME: can I buy u a drink HER: I'll take a rain check ME: mmm that sounds good [to bartender] 2 rain checks, please
@CulturedRuffian: Hey waiters-I don't ever 'save room for dessert', I just stuff it in there and pray to God I don't have an accident.
@NurseMurderer: I told my date I was depressed. I added, "not like cut my inner thigh depressed, but sleep with you even though I don't like you depressed."
@TheMichaelRock: Clark Kent: *sits glasses on counter* Lois Lane: Who are you and where did the new countertop come from?