@GirlPetunia: Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
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@llvvzz: If your problem can be solved by: Naps Cake Drugs Alcohol or Murder Then you don't really have a problem.
@Breadery: Officer: Sir, we have reports you've trained this bird to injure passersby. Me: Ridiculous! O: The pet's name? M: Paul the Attack Canary.
@DanMentos: "So what do you do?" I'm a wordsmith "A what?" A writer. I deal with words. How about you? "Oh I'm a uh… weedsmith"