@GirlPetunia: Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
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@DurtMcHurtt: [meeting girlfriend at the park] Her: Surprise! I made us a picnic! Me: *unfolding emergency bib from wallet* Holy shit let's do this.
@UGotMeRight: My boss says I need to work on my people skills & he needs to work on his changing four slashed tires skills.
@trevso_electric: If you see a woman holding Fifty Shades of Grey, smile and say "congratulations on your first book!"