@UrbanDouchebag: Hug a tree. Then rub your hands along it's trunk and tell it how knotty it is.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TitaniumToplass: The bad news is we need to downsize on people named Jeremy, so you're fired. WHAT WAS THE GOOD NEWS? India's tiger population is up 30%!
@WilliamAder: If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used.
@JoshuaFlail: My Pops told me that you can't go around trying to save everyone. They have to save themselves. He was a terrible lifeguard.