@UrbanDouchebag: Hug a tree. Then rub your hands along it's trunk and tell it how knotty it is.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@BritXNic: For every person pleased at meeting their TC in real life. Another 762 are climbing out of bathroom windows and smashing their phone.
@hipchkk: The true irony in Taylor Swift singing about feeling 22 at age 23 is that I want to hit her in the face with a cast iron skillet.
@JimGaffigan: Hate weight limit signs in the elevator. Then I’m put in the awkward position of telling some pregnant woman she has to take the stairs.