@weinerdog4life: Huge sale this weekend, we have too many mountain lions, please come buy a mountain lion, this was a horrible business plan, one guy got ate
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@philyuck: COP: Did the suspect have a birthmark? MARK: He's alive so I'm assuming he had a birth, yes.
@equinelover137: A guy just commented on how classy I am So naturally I removed my finger from my nose so I could type, "Thank you!"
@StellaRtwot: I like to yawn in front of people so they yawn and then I can say "You're tired I should go."
@FBSisnothere: Why does everyone mention that in space no-one can hear you scream instead of mentioning something positive like how no-one can hear u yodel