@Smooheed: Huh, this is a first
Never had an ambulance follow me to the gym before
They must know
@AmericanGent69: Saying "oh my gosh you're getting so big!" is cute and acceptable to say to a 6 year old. Not so much to an ex-girlfriend.
@fillthevacuum: *died in your arms tonight*
*stuffed in your trunk tomorrow*
*buried in the woods the day after that*
ME: Gotta be quiet if we're gonna catch Bigfoot
FRIEND: We want Bigfoot not Bigear!
BIGEAR: [sobs quietly in the distance]
@Lemonidas42: Man: "I think I saw a UFO last night"
UFO with fake moustache: "Nah, it was probably one of them optical gases or something"
@AmberTozer: Girl: Gonna keep having sex with this guy until he changes for me
Guy: Can't believe she keeps having sex w/me I better not change a thing