@johnbiehl: Humans are made up of 70% water so next time you're thirsty just eat Jeff from accounting.
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@Barknado69: [Date] Her: *giggles* whoops you got a hair right there Me (nervous she's trying to clone me): give it back
@philEfanaddict: [1st Date] Her: I've had a hysterectomy Him: I've had a vasectomy Her: Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Him: You gonna eat those fries?
@zbinski: The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.