@johnbiehl: Humans are made up of 70% water so next time you're thirsty just eat Jeff from accounting.
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@ProdigyNelson: [bedroom] Her: omg don't stop Me: what was that? Her: *sighs* Simon says don't stop
@Love_bug1016: No thanks Cupid. If I wanted butterflies and my heart skipping beats, I would do something less ridiculous like lose my phone.
@Weird_Rash: Just got arrested for racing my Segway wearing an adult diaper and a Viking helmet. Still not clear which law I broke.