@johnbiehl: Humans are made up of 70% water so next time you're thirsty just eat Jeff from accounting.
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@girlontapas: Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There's liquor and you can't hear them.
@13spencer: [Having a problem with my iPhone] Me: *texting myself* Test Me: *replies* I have a girlfriend
@ArfMeasures: SEXY FLATMATE: I miss my boyfriend ME: The doctor? F: He never comes round anymore ME [smiling at my room full of apples] Yeah it's so weird