@lecalabara: Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
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@philyuck: "Vodka martini. Shaken not stirred." "So just the normal way you make a martini then?" "That's right."
@DeanB15: Straight guys on twitter, If you haven't been hit on by a gay guy on here take a long look at yourself & figure out what's wrong with you.
@markydoodoo: [at dog park] ME: it's ok, she's friendly. THEM: is, is that a crab? ME: yep. She's a purebred. Her name is Clawdrey Hepburn. She's 2.
@DaddyJew: I haven't talked to a single member of my family since the great monopoly battle of '06. So yea, I know a thing or 2 about holding a grudge.