@lecalabara: Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts.
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@hogrider05: Was having a bad day so I tried the whole pulling up big girl panties thing. She didn't appreciate the wedgie but I did feel better after.
@timk927: Saying someone is doing something "like a boss" to me is an insult because my boss does things half assed & incorrectly then blames others
@DevilryFun: I do my best speed walking when I'm trying to beat another customer to the checkout at the liquor store.
@ilovepie84: I put a message in a bottle and threw it in the Ocean. The note said "I have Tuberculosis and I coughed in this bottle"